Valentine's Day is fast approaching and if you buy
into the commercial hype, at least get some survival skills under your belt. Men,
the world over, quiver in their takkies at the prospect of getting it all wrong
on the auspicious 14th of February, aka, judgement day.
So who is responsible for the havoc wreaked
in men's life once a year? According to one legend, he was a priest during the
third century in Rome.
The emperor at the time decided single men made better soldiers than men with
wives and families, so he made it illegal for all young men to marry. Valentine,
deeming this unfair, defied the emperor by continuing to perform marriages for
young lovers in secret. When the emperor found out, Valentine was sentenced to
death.
If you have been subjected to the wrath of
an unhappy valentine, you may think that he deserved his fate. Retailers have
successfully leveraged this old legend to make you feel that if you don't empty
your bank account on your sweetheart you are not worthy of their affection.
The social contract that accompanies Valentines
Day is legendary. Men spend hours agonising over the perfect gift and romantic
setting to declare their love, often spurred on by recollections of last years
disasters. Women end up spending their entire annual shoe allowance to
reciprocate.
The beetles knew what they were talking
about when they composed the song ‘Money can't buy me love' True love does not
cost money, it's what you partner does every day that counts. The cup of coffee
by your bedside before you wake up, a foot rub after a long day, an attentive
ear when you are sad. Valentines Day is a good day to say thank you but it does
not mean that you have to feed the coffers of the retailers.
As for going out to dinner on the 14th,
you end up fighting the crowds for a decent table, only to get served cold limp
food by grumpy waitrons, who would rather be with their loved ones. So this
year why don't you try something different?
Even if you don't feel like cooking a meal
for your partner, buy a gourmet meal and serve it at home. Decorate the room
with candles and flowers and keep the lights low. Not only will you save money
but it's far more intimate and you are not being bumped and jostled by a flock
of other love birds. Guys all she wants to hear is that you adore her and she
is the ‘one'. Ok so a bottle of her favourite perfume wont be lost on her but
you don't have to mortgage your house for a 5 karat diamond pendent. Ladies, a
nice meal of his favourite fare and an upgrade from your flannel rose bud pattern
pyjamas, will make him happy (perhaps you can throw in 4 hours uninterrupted
possession of the TV remote as well). What I am trying to say is don't take
leave of your senses, if you love each other, you will respect each others
financial limitations.
If you are really brave try this approach:
1. Create your own special Valentines Day at a
time when you have a little more cash and creativity on your hands. Valentines
Day could not come at a worse time, right after Christmas when you've just
blown all your reserves on presents, New Years parties, vacations and school
fees. No wonder you see so many strained faces at the shopping malls.
2. Rather choose to celebrate the anniversary
of your first meeting, or a special day that you shared. Agree that this is not
about who can buy the most expensive gift but who can buy the most thoughtful
one. Perhaps purchase something that you both need rather than buying something
frivolous.
There are some real benefits in creating
your own celebration. Firstly if you do like to buy/receive flowers they are
reasonably priced, secondly the restaurants are at normal capacity. Thirdly if
you want a weekend away you are not competing for space with other mushy
couples. Finally you are not swayed or dictated to by the hype from retailers.
You won't feel compelled to buy those inedible chocolates in heart shaped boxes
with furry tassels, nor to wear that tiny g-string that would make a Barbie
doll cry.
Paying R30 for a card is also crazy make
one instead. You don't have to be an artist or a wordsmith - there are plenty
of copyright-free resources on the web. And it doesn't have to be complicated
either; your own words will carry far more weight that someone else's musings.
You don't have to be dictated to by
commercialism in order to show your partner that you love and appreciate them.
Do it in your own time on your own terms. If you are in a new relationship and
you don't think your partner will cope with your new valentine's schedule. You
can write a little note that says something like this.
Roses are red violets are blue,
The 14th of Feb is not good
enough for you.
So be patient my love because one special
day
I'll shower you with love in my own private
way.
Your Questions
Hi, I
have been dating a woman for 6 months and want to do something for Valentines
Day but she keeps saying that Valentines day is so clichéd and predictable.
Should I just treat it as a normal day?
Iona: Not unless you want your name
obliterated from her black book. Women and men like to protest but secretly
they do want to acknowledged. Your best bet is to go onto the web and do a
search on ‘cool things to do for your valentine'. You will find something that
suits your style and your pocket. The relationship is still new so don't go
overboard. It you go big now you are setting yourself up for the future,
feeling compelled to do bigger and better things. Less is more when it comes to
new relationships, especially when your partner is sensitive about the
occasion.
My
husband has to be the world's worst Valentines day gift giver. The year before
last he bought me a negligee that I may have fitted into when I was born,
wrapped around a book called ‘Your ideal weight'. I had just given birth to out
son in January! Last year he bought me a knife sharpener! How do I tell him
that his gifts are totally inappropriate without offending him?
Iona: I think if I had received the negligee
enshrouded book, I would have asked for the knife sharpener! Perhaps he was
well intentioned but he could not have got it more wrong if he tried. You can't
be subtle with this kind of man because he clearly has no clue. You need to
drop hints, big fat glaring ones like, ‘oh look darling, I would LOVE that for
valentines day'. Just make sure it is within budget. If he continues to make
such bad choices, maybe its time to ditch the 14th as an event and
shoot for a decent birthday present.